I will wait
by Thatwizardatcamprock
Summary: Based off of the story of Virtual Love. Alex and Mitchie have only met over the internet. They fell too hard to fast. Alex needs some time to figure things out, and Mitchie will wait for the end of time. Alex/Mitchie Warning: Sorry for the rhyming, I'm not too good at it, but I thought i'd give it a shot. For my good friend everyhelloendswithagoodbye
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, here's a oneshot, it's based off of the story Virtual Love and its in Mitchie's POV. Kind of sad i know, but I'm not in the best of moods.**

I never thought I could fall so fast and so hard, but for you it was only a few minutes to lower my guard. I sat here with a numb feeling, empty and lonely. Wishing you could be here, with me, to hold me. You said we're going to fast, and I fear that you're right. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling all night. I couldn't find sleep or comfort or peace, I feared what was to come, would you even still speak to me? You said you needed time, I told you I'd give you all eternity. I meant every word I said, I would wait if it killed me. Last night is when we said our last words, you didn't say goodnight and I found that it hurt.

I miss when you called me princess my stomach would do flips, when anyone else uttered the name, I hated it. From our first hello's to our latest goodbyes, it's like you had me hypnotized. My friends tried to pry me away, outside in the sun. I just wanted to be left in my misery knowing I would have no fun. Some how they succeeded, they told me some fresh air was what I needed. There was a live performance, a girl about our age, she sang out her heart right there on stage. They were only covers, not originals, they were all love songs, and on my face, Im sure my pain was visible. I found myself getting lost in her tunes, but still my mind was plauged only with you. I've been checking my messages, all day long, I know I needed to stay strong.

A friend was over, trying to get me to smile, they tried for a very long while. Having failed at their self appointed task, they left with a half hearted "I'll be back." I was again left to my torterous thoughts, I lied there, the urge to cry I fought. Only one day of no talking was killing me, how could I do this for all eternity! The thoughts vanished as quick as they had come, I was again left to feel glum. You called me your inspiration the first time we spoke, I had laughed thinking this must be a joke. I thought maybe you had been sarcastic, I was nowhere near fantastic, but as time went on, you persisted, I was great you insisted. We had talked for hours, it had felt like days, you made me happy in so many ways. Whenever I smiled, my roomate knew I was talking to you, the times when you didn't make me happy were only two.

We just had so much in common, from our favorite singers to our brother problems. we shared poems and songs and little rhymes, I read all of yours all of the time. I longed to hear your laugh, or look into your eyes, you have seen pictures of me, even the ones I despised. I asked for your picture, but you refused, as to how you look, I have little clue. A description was not enough, I wanted to know how it felt to hold you and feel your touch. My heart is heavy with unbearable weight, but Alex, for you I will wait. Its only been three days, but I can't get enough. Please dont let me lose you, My virtual love.


	2. Keep Dreaming

**I know this was originally going to be a one-shot, but I thought I'd continue it. **

* * *

I woke up from my dreams of her. We still lived in different cities, but we would occasionally come to visit one another. Sadly this dream was not real. I never got to just hold her, or kiss her cheek like I had in the dream. I laid in bed for about an hour trying desperately to remember what image my mind had made up for her in the dream. In the end I couldn't. I sighed as I laid there. I could hear the voices of my sister Dallas and her husband talking, before she came in the room. She said goodbye, and it was then that I remembered she was going on a business trip in another state, she was going to be gone for maybe a week. After she left, I heard my brother-in-law leave as well. To where I had no clue. The house again filled with silence.

My niece was only 6 months younger than I was, and she was my best friend. We had fought a lot in our past, but our friendship was never broken. She slept now on her bed while I sat up on the blown up air matress that was my bed for the summer. I remembered it was Sunday, which meant that we had big cleaning today. I didn't want to do it, but if I wanted on the computer to constantly check for messages I knew I wouldn't receive, I had to do it. I chose to ignore what day it was and turned over closing my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. Like always my mind was filled with Alex.

I quietly got up and grabbed my laptop, silently cursing when I found that the crack on my screen was bigger. I faintly remembered Dallas stepping on it on her way out of the room. I logged on and checked both my facebook and fanfiction at the same time. As I expected, there was nothing. I had my chat edited on my facebook so that only Alex is on it. That way I wont get my hopes up on seeing a (1) on the chat and find that it was someone else.

Rosie, my niece, turned over and I knew she was waking up. She was always one to follow the rules, while I was the one to constantly break them. She got up and we exchanged a few words. I told her of the dream I had. She got up and went to turn on the light, but I didn't want her to. I wanted to just lie there in the dark. I put my pillows over my face and my blanket up past my shoulders.

"C'mon, get up, it's sunday." I just groaned not wanting to respond. I noticed how it was hard to breathe with the pillow over my face and I briefly contemplated holding my breath until I didn't need to breathe anymore. I started to , but then stopped. 'It's only been two days, not something worth dying for, you pathetic wuss' My brain told me. I could hear my neice bustling about, cleaning her part of the room. She kept telling me to get up.

"What's the point of cleaning? It's just going to get dirty again." I told her surprised she could hear it seeing as how it was muffled by my pillows.

"Well, we want it clean so whenever it gets dirty, we clean it again."

"Ugh, I don't see the point in that, I don't see the point of anything."

"I hate to tell you I told you so" She said. Suure. She had been telling me from the start that I need to put up walls. For some reason that had struck me as odd. You put up walls to protect yourself, I had seen no need to protect myself, I knew I could get hurt with them or without them so I had gone without them. And I stand by that.

I realized I had been tuning Rosie out when she started talking about being too young to be in love and something about not even knowing her a full week yet and I was already hurting.

Yes it hurt that I couldn't talk to her, Every second spent without her replying to anything was killing me. But I still don't blame her. She said she needed time, that she was scared. I was scared too. This would be my first relationship and it would be with another girl. My whole family excluding me and my neice was homophobic and would murder me if they found out. I had played it out in my head millions of times. They could start abusing me, they could kick me out and leave me on the streets with no food money or clothing. The most likely would disown me.

Those thoughts used to scare me, they still do, but then I think of Alex. Just talking to her made my day. I don't care if I'm disowned, or start getting abused from it like I had read in so many fanfictions and book. If my family couldn't accept me for who I am, then maybe it would be best. I dont know what I'd do, but I'd spend everyday missing and loving Alex. She was scared, and so was I, but I was willing to risk it all, Now I just needed to wait and see if she could too.

Rosie kept trying to do something to get me out of bed, but her efforts were in vain. She turned on a happy tune from her keyboard and I told her to turn it off. I requested she played my "Don't Forget" album and she did. I listened to the words in the songs, finding that almost all of them reminded me of her. It was half an hour to a whole hour before I even sat up. Then Rosie told me that Alex wanted to give me something. I thought it was another ploy to get me up, so I told her I didn't believe her. Besides, what could Alex have gotten me if she lives so far away? Rosie insisted that she had gotten a message from Alex saying she was to give me something. Curiously, I looked at the box that my neice had in her hands. It was a box she kept in the closet and never used because she thought it was pretty. Wondering what it could possibly be, I opened the box. I took out the tissue paper that had been stuffed inside till I found something hard. I picked it up and got rid of the rest of the tissue paper.

It was a baseball. One that Rosie had had since before the first time I lived with them. I was old and a little withered, but I liked baseballs like that. It showed that they were actually put to use instead of collecting dust. Sometimes I liked a new baseball just so later the age would show on it, and show that I had had it for a long time. I looked curiously at it wondering why Alex would tell her to give me this, then I noticed some writing on it. It was very obvious that it was in Rosie's handwriting.

_Keep Dreaming -Alex_

No way, I thought. I had once told Alex about how I always carry a baseball with me wherever I went. It wasn't a secret, its just something no one ever bothered to notice. I didn't think she would even remember something like that. _Keep Dreaming._ The words echoed throughout my mind, proving that there was just a lot of empty space up there.

The words gave me a sort of comfort. It was like they were giving me hope. Maybe a false hope, but a hope nonetheless. I believed everyone should have hope. It was what would motivate someone to keep going, keep trying... Keep fighting. I already knew I was never going to give up, but this just helped that. Even if we never got together or anything, I would always love her and, I would keep dreaming. I allowed myself a small smile, knowing that this ball was never going to leave my sight. Alex, I'm still waiting, and I will for forever If I had to.


	3. Hello or Goodbye?

Day three and it's a wonder I'm still alive. She had messaged me yesterday, but it was only for a project we were both working on, after I told her what she needed, it was back to being ignored. This seemed to be hurting worse than it should. For some reason the situation had me thinking of one of my favorite songs. It was called on the line.

_I didn't wanna say Im sorry for breaking us apart  
__I didn't wanna say it was my fault, even though I knew it was_

__I somehow felt that this was my fault. That maybe if I hadn't brought it up, none of this would happen. But even if I hadn't brought it up, it wouldn't change how she was feeling about this, It would just mean that I didn't know. I didn't like that. Not knowing if she was hurting, or if she was okay. I wonder if this is affecting her as much as its affecting me.

I had gone to bed last night setting my baseball down on the floor next to my air mattress and woke up this morning clutching it in my hand like my life depended on it.

I ate some breakfast in one of my worst moods yet. Of course I just had to have more dreams of her last night. Of course I don't remember how my brain had pictured her to project her into my dreams. And Of course all that had happened wasn't real, none of it would most likely ever be real. I had been checking my messages over and over like usual. Still nothing. I had tried updating some of my fanfics but nothing came to mind. I felt like an empty shell, holding on to a dream that may never be a reality.

I mean why would she still wanna be friends? It's a wonder she could ever put up with me in the first place. She was trying to get over me, trying to forget about me. It hurt that she was trying, but it wasn't too surprising. How did she ever like me to begin with? I complain and whine a lot, I'm not the smartest person, I'm quite the hypocrite. I kept thinking about our previous conversations. They had always made me laugh or smile and my neice would look at me strangely when I started smiling out of nowhere. I would quote something she had said and Rosie would roll her eyes and say something about how I needed to stop thinking about her.

I made my way back downstairs to the room I was sharing with Rosie. I laid back down on my bed and started tossing the baseball into the air. As always my neice was still asleep, so I would be able to do this without her threatening to take it away. I didn't know why it bugged her so much. It was like I was playing catch with gravity. I would throw it up and gravity would throw it back down. Sometimes I would try to hit the ceiling and that would annoy Rosie to no end. One arm would get tired so I'd switch it with my other one. I liked the sound. The rhythm somehow soothed me. I'd listen for it to hit the ceiling, then listen for it to hit my hand. I decided it was best to stop when I missed the ball and it attacked my face.

Rosie had gotten up and went to talk with her dad before he went back to work. I could hear their conversation clearly since they were in the next room and both the doors were open. I had forgotten about going to the coast until they started talking about it. This friday we'd be going, and I don't remember how long we'd be there. I wondered if I'd get internet there and still be able to check if Alex had messaged me with her decision. I wondered if she'd even care. Have I told her how I hate the ocean? I don't think I have. It's an irrational fear I developed after almost drowning almost every time I was ever there. Alex had said we were going to fast and she felt that I knew too much, but in reality, I didn't think I knew enough.

I don't know her favorite color, or her favorite movie or song. I knew she was scared of love and taking risks but I didn't what other fears she had. I didn't know any of her hobbies besides reading and songwriting. I wanted to know these things. I wanted to be able to get to know her better. I wanted to know what her favorite flower was or if she's ticklish. Who's her favorite actor or singer? I knew of two singers she said she liked, but she didn't say they were her favorite. I wanted to know what she looked like. I wanted to be able to tell when she's lying or when shes happy or sad or mad. I wanted to be able to hold her hand. I thought about my neice and her relationship. She had a boyfriend whom she was mad at at the moment, but at leas whenever someone said his name she could probably picture his face in her mind. When I think of Alex's name, I draw a blank. I have no face to match with her name, I had no picture to look at. How can I feel so strongly for someone I've never even met in person?

For now all I could do was stare at the baseball. I would read the words over and over again. Keep Dreaming. What if one of these days I checked my messages and saw that her decision was to stop talking to me for good? What if her decision was that I was nowhere near worth being friends with? I wouldn't know until it happened. Whenever I see that I have a message, my heart will start pounding. I will want her to talk to me, but I will also be terrified. How do I know the next message I get isn't going to be one telling me what I'm so scared to hear? On the other hand, my next message could be saying that the waiting was over and that we were talking again. I just didn't know what to think. I would leave the thinking up to her, while I sit here staring at my computer screen. Not saying anything. Just waiting.


	4. the way I loved you

When and how did it get to this? She was the one ignoring me before, she was the one to say goodbye and then tell me that I am to forget about her. Then she messages me, letting me know she had a new account. I already knew that. A couple days later I get a message telling me what the accounts name is, again, I already knew that. I could tell. The first time I read it I knew instantly who it was. Its the only story lately that I've been reading but not reviewing. I couldn't review. I just didn't know what to say.

Like the messages she had sent me. I sat there for over an hour staring at the screen, typin, erasing, then retyping only to give up and shut down my laptop. I didn't know what to do. Did she think I was mad at her? Or did she not care that I haven't replied. Or is she happy that I'm not bothering her anymore?

_Cuz when your fifteen, somebody tells you they love you and you're gonna believe them._

Taylor Swifts words echoed through my head. I'm 15 and she told me she loved me. I just don't know if I believe it. We hadn't even known eachother a week when I developed such strong feelings for her. I really do think I'm in love with her. Which makes everything harder.

I can't get mad at her no matter how hard I try. I just can't. I'm supposed to forget about her but I just can't see that happening. I've tried everything I could think of. I threw all 20 songs in the trash that I had written about her, I threw the stupid baseball randomly into the closet knowing that that wouldn't help me at all. The next morning I tore the closet apart like a mad man until I found it, then I cleaned the mess so no one would suspect a thing.

Yet, through all this, trying to forget about her, trying to not think about her, I'm _still_ waiting! I didn't know it was possible to do that involuntarily.

_Laziness is a choice_

That was one of the messages written on the baseball. It was to explain her choice. She said that I could choose to not be lazy, and I can. She said I can choose to stop feeling for her. That is something I don't think is true. You don't choose who you like, or who you love. The only choice in any of it is if your gonna act on it or not.

The dreams have gotten worse. They're more frequent and more heart breaking than the last. I really do think I'm losing it. At church today I zoned out and suddenly she was sitting next to me. As always its another face my subconscious made up because I don't know exactly what she looks like.

She sat down next to me and turned to face me. Once she realized it was me she was sitting next to her expression turned grim. We sorta just stared at each other a while before I snapped out of it. Luckily no one around me noticed I had some sort of episode, but it freaked me out completely. I almost broke down right there in front of my family and their church.

When we got home I was thankful I hadn't put my air matress away. I plopped down and pulled the blanket over me not caring that I was still in my church clothes or the fact that I was being yelled at to do my chores.

She had said she couldn't be with me because it went against her beliefs, she told me we couldn't be friends because we had both already fallen for each other and we couldn't talk until we got over our feelings. I don't know about her but I already know I can't just get over my feelings.

I can look at almost anything and think of her. Of Alex. With almost every conversation I'm thinking back to something she had once said. I've been burying myself more and more into fanfictions. Trying to lose myself in the stories. Anything to forget about my own life, to keep away the hurt I was feeling. The hurt I felt because she didn't feel the same.

_I wish you the best I really do  
even though I know I'm still not over you_

A song it was a song I listen to almost every day now and each time I hear it, those are the lyrics that stick out to me. I'm still hurting because of her decision, I'm still somehow waiting for something that will never happen because of how I feel for her and yet I can't stand to think of her unhappy. I want her to go out, find a nice guy that meets the standards she set up because of her beliefs. Someone that isn't me, because I'm pretty sure there's lots of people who can make her happy. People who can make her happy because they aren't me. I'll be here wondering for who knows how long, what could've been, but I know that she will find someone else. I know that I'm really not worth fighting for and she could do so much better. So I will be here, waiting. Maybe not always for her but for something or someone close to being that great.

_I don't feel so good, I'm tangled up inside, my heart is on my sleeve and tomorrow is a mystery to me.  
And it might be wonderful, it might be magical, it might be everything I've waited for, a miracle  
Oh but even if I fall in love with someone new..._

_It could never be the way I loved you.  
_


	5. The End

7/11/13  
_Mitchie-italics_  
**Alex-bold**  
_I'm absolutely terrified about all this. I haven't even properly met you and yet you still do things to me with only your words. I don't know what to do, but I do know one thing. In the course of a day and a half, I have gotten strong feelings from you and i don't even know completely what you look like._  
_But still_  
**I know...**  
_Will you go out with me? _  
_like you said, it could be strictly virtual and over time, maybe it can grow into something else_  
*Pause*  
**Yes**

* * *

It's been exactly 3 months and 1 day since I asked Alex out. 2 months and 19 days since I last heard from her. Since she told me we could never be together and that I was to forget her. How could she ask the impossible from me? I even developed a new crush, but I can't help but think of Alex everyday. I can't cry, I can't show any emotions or any signs of how this has effected me. Only Rosie knows that I even knew her much less dated her. It wasn't for long either. She ended it with a song. I still read over the song over and over, and it still breaks my heart just reading it. We were still friends after that though. I was determined to never give up but then she finalized it. she sent me another song, the last thing I heard from her. The last five lines struck me like a sword through the heart.  
Just get over me  
**Stop talking about me**  
**Stop telling everyone you miss me, it's reality you lack**  
**You can't dream of ever afters then wake up into real life**  
**I'm sorry, but the only thing left to say is goodbye**

How'd it get to this? How could she just throw away what could have been? Why couldn't she take a risk for once? Why couldn't she see that I needed her? I still do. I miss our conversations and the songs she used to write for me.

**Aw'd ;w; you liked it?**

_no_

___I loved it_

**Psshhhhh... *blushes***

_so the tables are turned... *evil smirk*_

**Let's see how long that lasts, princess... **

_crap. well that was fun while it lasted_

* * *

Just that one name would make me blush no matter how she used it. She found it entertaining and used it quite often though I didn't mind, for some reason, I liked it when she called me that. Normally anyone who called me that wouldn't live to see another day, but with her everything was different. We'd stay up till early hours talking and I never wanted to go to bed, because then I would just stay up all night thinking about her.

* * *

**I have to go to bed anyways**

_I got up and plugged it in_

_what No! Dont leave meeeee!_

**I must blend in with the mortals They shall never find my true identity!**

_No mortals are lame_

**Yes, but when you don't join them in being lame, they burn you screaming WITCH WITCH WITCH WITCH! And you either live, and they kill you, or you die, and they already have killed you. What kind of logic is that? So, you must blend in, whether being them is lame or no.**

* * *

I stare up at the starry sky, wondering how it could shine so bright, all the while trying not to cry, I wanna forget for just one night. Even after all this time, you're still a faceless name, do you realize I still cry? I can't seem to stop this pain. When I look at any other girl, I can't help but compare, I still log on every night Just wishing you were there.

There are no happily ever after's, only heartbreak, yet to this day and forever more, I will always wait.

* * *

**Felt like being dramatic. Yes this is the end, no more after this so I hope it was okay.**  
**~SM**


End file.
